So for fun, I saw an interesting Reddit thread associating World Cup soccer participants to college football opponents:
https://www.reddit.com/r/CFB/s/JuN9ML3SEx
since I’m in the middle of a flight delay, I thought what soccer country should be associated with Valparaiso football. So I had a conversation with the smartest person in the world, ChatGPT, to find an answer:
“
ChatGPT: If we're talking about countries that did not qualify for the World Cup, I'd move away from Switzerland and choose a nation that is respectable, educated, historically relevant, but not currently among the global powers.
For Valparaiso University, my best fits would be:
1. Finland (my favorite comparison)
- Strong academic reputation.
- Small population/base.
- Well respected by people who know it.
- Doesn't attract the same attention as the giants.
- Occasionally produces something remarkable that gets everyone's attention.
- Not a traditional World Cup participant.
This reminds me of Valpo's reputation as a smaller private university with strong academics and occasional athletic moments like Bryce Drew's famous NCAA tournament shot.
2. Ireland
- Strong identity and loyal following.
- Punches above its weight.
- Respected more than feared.
- Has had notable successes but isn't considered elite.
If Notre Dame is England, then Valpo as Ireland makes some geographic and cultural sense as well.
3. Iceland
- Small.
- Overachiever.
- Everyone roots for them when they have success.
- Limited resources but strong culture.
4. Austria
- Historically significant.
- Stable and competent.
- Not usually considered among the top tier.
- Could surprise people in the right circumstances.
If I compare schools you know:
| School | World Cup Country |
|---|---|
| University of Southern California | Brazil |
| University of Notre Dame | England |
| University of Iowa | Germany |
| Valparaiso University | Finland |
| Drake University | Iceland |
| University of Northern Iowa | Wales |
For someone who attended Valpo, I suspect Finland would be the most flattering and accurate comparison: intelligent, well-run, respected, and successful by almost any objective measure, but not one of the giant powers that dominates headlines.
ChatGPT: I think that's a fair correction.
When we're talking about Valparaiso football, not Valparaiso University as a whole, we shouldn't be comparing it to Switzerland or Denmark. Valpo football has often been near the bottom of the Pioneer League and, at times, near the bottom of the entire FCS subdivision. In 2025 they finished 2–10 and tied for last in the Pioneer League.
So if USC is Brazil and Ohio State is Germany, then Valparaiso football is more like:
- San Marino — probably the closest analogy. Tiny player pool, almost never wins, and fans celebrate a draw or a goal against a stronger opponent.
- Liechtenstein — occasionally produces a surprise result but generally overmatched.
- Andorra — respectable effort, limited resources, rarely competitive against stronger nations.
- Gibraltar — participates, has loyal supporters, but victories are rare.
In fact, if we were ranking college football programs by world soccer equivalents:
| College Football Program | Soccer Country |
|---|---|
| USC | Brazil |
| Alabama | Germany |
| Notre Dame | England |
| Iowa State | Sweden |
| Drake | Finland |
| Valparaiso | San Marino |
That may sound harsh, but the reality is that Valpo football competes in a non-scholarship FCS conference, and even within that conference has struggled for sustained success. There have been years when FCS fans on Reddit jokingly put Valpo at or near the bottom of all FCS programs.
So if someone asked me:
"What World Cup country best represents Valparaiso football?"
I'd probably answer:
San Marino.
Not because the school isn't respected academically, but because the football program's competitive position is much closer to San Marino than to Switzerland. That's the football equivalent of being happy to score a goal on Germany, not expecting to beat them.”